When One Chapter Ends...

As the saying goes.

I've recently taken some necessary steps to turn the next page or chapter of my life if you will, and as such I feel so much more refreshed, focused, and hmm...very much like a writer.

That writing part of myself was stamped down until recently, wallowing beneath some sort of veil I couldn't lift over excruciatingly tired eyes. I was exhausted, mentally more than physically.

But I didn't really know how depressed I was until I had a turning point, realizing where I was in my life wasn't where I needed to be for happiness sake. That realization didn't come overnight, it was a long, arduous journey of self-realization with positive affirmations such as

to help me be where I knew in my soul I needed to go. I started to feel freer the more I affirmed the above and other various affirmations, keeping in mind it would pay off, that I would, indeed, be taken care of, that I didn't 'have' to stay where I was: sad, depressed, angry, and withdrawn.

It's amazing what dedication can do.

I'm now entering a position where I feel I am making a difference, I'll be around the things I enjoy the most aside from my family and pets, and I'll be more inclined to buckle down and write, something that, I realize now, was increasingly impossible the more I stayed 'stuck' in what seemed an endless cycle of negativity.

I feel...like a writer again.

I know it's silly to say, but it's true.

I feel like my words matter again, and yes, they are to be published for all to devour soon enough, but between signing the contract and this moment, I had lost, resolutely, the drive to be a 'writer,' to take my words where they needed to be. Or if I did, it was through flirts with clarity before depression and anxiety would ultimately settle back down upon my head and make me feel inadequate.

I'm a writer.

And it's time I get back to writing.

As it is, I will leave you with one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies: Interview With The Vampire.